There have been some articles posted on the Internet about the pros and cons of dating 30 to 40 years old military personnel stationed overseas. And while most of these articles are good compared to others, it is better to understand what the subject is all about.
Articles about dating soldiers and military personnel need to be based on experiences from veterans, as well as current staff. In this article, we will talk about the pros and cons of military dating, whether they are on active duty or they are a veteran.
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It breaks the barrier
When in the military, they teach the soldiers to trust the people in their unit, as well as their superior. They are meant to be very close with people from the same background; people who do not have the same experience with them is just a need-to-know basis.
As for the significant other, they will not get a lot of details than what is necessary for anything unless they will dig deeper. It is a lot of work to get in their inner circle and break down that barrier and gain their trust so they can open up more and be vulnerable. But all this handwork is worth it.
You need to be patient
Do not expect that the vulnerability will come that easily and quickly. If they come to you with some issues or problems, there is a big chance that they will talk about it until they no longer want to. You need to be patient when it comes to soldiers, especially if they already experience being deployed in the combat zone.
These soldiers have seen the worst part of being a soldier, and gaining their trust will be very challenging. You need to be persistent, but not too pushy to the point that they will see you as an annoying person who just wants to talk to them to kill some time.
Respect their unit, their version of the band of brothers
You need to know and understand that being in the military is like being in a real family. Sometimes being with your brothers is much better than being with your real family. Military personnel, whether they are from the Army, Navy, Air Force or the Marines, will always have close relationships with the people they work with.
It is neither a good or bad thing. It is just how things are in the military, and you need to know and understand that. It’s not a competition between you and their soldier friends. These people are the ones who they share their passion and work-life with. And if you want to make a close relationship with them or break that invisible barrier.
Value and respect their loyalty
A lot of military doctrine and teachings always cites unity and loyalty. Soldiers are used to their comrade or their “band of brothers,” and they are bred to be protective and loyal. They will love you with the intent to keep you forever. They are one of the most faithful and devoted people you will ever meet if you can promise the same. If these soldiers can commit to their country, they can also commit with people they care about.
Being in the service is all about authority
There are branches of the military like the Marines, have a knack for superiority. Granted that you need to earn supremacy in their line of work and the things they sacrifice in the name of the service. But if you are in the civilian world, and you are dating a uniformed officer, it may be a very tall order and very tough to deal with.
Their way is the best way since they know best. If they are ranking official, there is a big chance that they will have a hard time to adjust to civilian life. You need to know and understand that this very tough for them, not only for yourself.
Know and acknowledge the invisible wounds they are carrying
Not every person working for the military comes how with PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. But for soldiers who are not that lucky, there is nothing wrong with admitting that you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. You need to keep in mind that the possibility of him wanting to talk and open up about this issue – let alone try to seek help from professionals – is close to zero, or worse, none at all.
It will be hard for you, but imagine if you are in their shoes. Expect short temper, depression, anxiety, sleepless nights, awkward silences and mood swings, among others. Don’t think that you only see these kinds of situations in Hollywood movies.
You need to try everything to know and understand what they are going through. Het them to talk to you about their problems or convince them to seek professional help. But, do not push your agenda too much to the point that you will look desperate and avoid everything that can trigger their PTSD.
Enjoy every fun fact
Soldiers are considered as one of the most well-travelled professionals out there. They experienced different cultures most people only dreamed of. You can take advantage of this and make sure that you enjoy the fun facts that they can tell you. You will be flooded with random fun facts about places like South America, Southeast Asia or the Middle East. Trust me; there will be too many facts; your brain will have a hard time remembering each one of them.
Dating a uniformed officer or a soldier in their mid-thirties or early forties is no different than dating regular people. Sure, they have extra baggage, but same with everyone else. Theirs may be a little bit extra, but that does not make them any worse or better. Dating soldiers are not all fun and games. It takes a bit handwork and a lot of patience, but if you are interested, you will find out that everything is worth it.